Nothing to Fear

by Fran Withrow 10.2024

“…technically, we’re all dying,” says Julie McFadden in her fascinating book, “Nothing to Fear.”  But we don’t want to think about death. The idea that we and our loved ones will die is scary. But by refusing to think and talk about death and dying, we can cause unnecessary suffering for ourselves and those we love.

McFadden wants to change that perspective and to allow for more transparency around death and dying. A former ICU (intensive care unit) nurse, she saw first hand how hospitals focus on keeping patients alive, even those who are terminally ill with no hope of recovery. ICU care is invaluable in saving lives, but if death is unavoidable no matter what the treatment, there is another way.

McFadden, wanting to focus on peaceful end-of-life care, left ICU and became a hospice nurse. For the past sixteen years she has been helping people face death without fear, with dignity and support. If someone receives a terminal diagnosis and is given less than six months to live, hospice is a wonderful way to prepare for a more serene and tranquil death.

She maintains that we hide death by using other words for “dead,” like “passed away,” and by embalming, hiding, or dressing up the dead to look as though they are still alive. Yet death is a natural part of living.  And when we choose to talk about death, whether we are the dying person or a loved one, we break the hold fear has on us. This openness is freeing for both the dying person as well as their loved ones.

McFadden says a peaceful death is one where pain is managed, the person’s wishes have been followed, and the person is clean, safe, and comfortable.

She goes into detail about exactly what hospice is and how it can help. She describes what the dying process looks like, so we know what bodily changes are normal. Our bodies know how to die, she says, just as they know how to be born. So a dying person who begins to refuse water and food, for example, is doing just the right thing to prepare their body for death. 

This book is full of advice for the dying person, as well as for caregivers and loved ones. There is also a powerful chapter on grief, and how to cope with the many different forms it can take. There is no one right way to grieve, McFadden says, and all emotions, even those of relief, shame, and guilt, are normal.

McFadden closes with a final chapter for hospice nurses, explaining how they should care for themselves while doing this incredibly important work. A helpful list of hospice resources is included as well.

“Nothing to Fear” is a user-friendly resource you will want to keep on your bookshelf for present or future use. You can pick and choose which chapters to read, depending on your needs. Filled with real-life examples, McFadden makes a compelling case for meeting death without fear, allowing us to live well right up to the end.