St. Patrick’s Day: A Curse and a Blessing

by Fayeruz Regan 03.2022

I was born on St. Patrick’s Day. When I was younger, this was a boon to me. It was a holiday where everyone felt like celebrating, but weren’t beholden to family plans.

Then I got older. I’m a little grumpier about it now. Richmond beer crawls seemed innocuous at first, until one year a bar crawl blocked the entrance to Bowtie Cinemas. You see, the movie theater is my house of worship, and nothing excites me more than the moment the lights go down. Every year on my birthday, I treat myself to a film.

But there I sat on Arthur Ashe Boulevard, being ordered to make a U-turn five minutes before showtime. Just so people can day drink in flashing shamrock necklaces. I wondered how the Irish would feel about this parody of their culture. It was safe to assume that the majority of this mob had never been to Ireland.

It’s a breathtaking place, and the people were so friendly that my husband and I were suspicious of them at first. We rented a car and explored the country, marveling at the ancient castles and picturesque villages. We lodged in bed & breakfasts from Dublin to Limerick, feasting on proper Irish breakfasts and endless cups of tea. I was a little disappointed we didn’t find ourselves in a traffic jam involving a flock of sheep; it always looks so romantic in movies.

As I white-knuckled the steering wheel, I spotted a young couple stumbling through the intersection. The girl wore a Lucky Charms T-shirt two sizes too small, and her boyfriend wore a Dr. Seuss top hat, only with green and white stripes. I couldn’t help myself. I rolled down the window. “You know what they do in Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day?” I asked them. They swayed their drunken heads in my direction.  “They go to church.”

To this day, when friends and family treat me to a meal, they feel entitled to slap ridiculous leprechaun get-ups on me (per photo). I always oblige. They know my pet peeve, and their sweet faces light up at my public humiliation.  Plus, they’re paying. 

All is not lost, however. Our mid-sized city is hellbent on delivering big-city culture, and in March it comes in the form of the Irish Festival in Church Hill. The event isn’t usually held on St. Patrick’s Day, but rather is adjacent to it. I cannot confirm if this is to distance themselves from green beer and fighting couples. I can confirm that it’s taking place this year on Saturday, March 26th and 27th from ten till six. They’re kicking off their 35th year with a parade on Saturday morning.

Like a bar crawl, there will be beer aplenty, but unlike a bar crawl, there will be Irish dancers and Celtic musicians. There will be bagpipes and children’s activities. Among the many vendors are Irish crafts, homemade “Irish lasagna” from the Ladies of St. Patrick’s, and fish and chips prepared by Rare Olde Times Irish Pub. The icing on the cake is that the proceeds from this event will be split among a list of worthy charities.

In the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, here’s a simple Irish recipe for a cold winter’s day…

4-Ingredient Irish Soda Bread

Ingredients:

• 4 cups flour (unbleached & all-purpose)

• 1 ¾ cups buttermilk

• 1 ½ tsp baking soda

• 1 tsp salt

Instructions:

1) Preheat your oven to 400F

2) Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl

3) Slowly add the buttermilk into the bowl and mix until a sticky dough forms

4) Place the dough on a lightly-floured surface.

5) Knead for 15 seconds, or until the dough comes together into a sticky ball

6) Place the round of dough onto a lightly floured baking sheet

7) Press the mound to flatten a bit, then if you’d like, dust with flour

8) Coat a serrated knife in flour

9) Cut an X (about halfway deep) into the top of the loaf

10) Bake the bread in your preheated oven for 30-40 minutes, or until the loaf is golden

11) Pro Hack: If it’s ready, the bread should sound hollow when tapped

12) Cool on a wire rack to get that crunchy crust

13) Allow the bread to cool for at least 15 minutes before tucking into it

This dense bread pairs well with salted butter and a cup of hot tea. Have a happy St. Patrick’s Day!